7 Day Stamina Challenge: Day 5 and Fraidy-Catness

When I first read about the 7 Day Stamina Challenge, I admit to feeling just a wee bit cocky.

It’s that same foolish bravado you experience at the start of a new, ambitious exercise regime.

How hard can it be, I asked, when the first challenge was to get up a half hour early?

Not too, I answered.

This challenge is an opportunity to grow, but in a comfortable way.

Okie Dokie, count me in.

The first few days were interesting and thought provoking.

Then I hit Day 5:

Make eye contact with five strangers today. Stare at them until they look back. Then smile in a friendly easy way and hold your gaze. Count to four. One. Two. Three. Four.

Gack.

My inner fraidy cat beat a double-time retreat under the couch, just the tips of her paws showing, making frightened mewling sounds.

Meeeeeow. Doesn’t staring at people get you marched straight out of a store, along with an escort by a stern security guard who gives you a no-nonsense invitation never to return?

Meeeeeow. Won’t this get me whacked over the head by an otherwise lovely, grandmotherly senior citizen, who chides me, “Mind your manners, young lady! Now, shoo!”?

Meeeeeow. Isn’t this going to turn a friendly looking person into a Mr. Hyde, who growls in a most menacing fashion “What are you staring at?”

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Waitress, waitress! Excuse me, but this is not the challenge I ordered.

*Sigh*

Back to the reality of Day 5, and figuring out how I am going to overcome my extreme discomfort with this exercise.

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Now, just as a bit of background, I am no stranger to being different, especially in public. For instance, my oldest daughter, Alexis, and I photograph, and we broke through our comfort zone boundaries long ago to where, in the middle of a day, we will joyfully and readily lie down on a sidewalk to get just the right image.

Using those experiences to bolster my courage a bit, I traveled to a nearby city to do my gazing, and asked my youngest daughter along for the adventure.

We hit a thrift store where Leslie and I commiserated quietly, covertly, over racks of blouses that we just couldn’t engage anyone.

Hmmmm. Maybe it’s us . . .

I did finally get a woman to return my gaze at the checkout. Did she just feel safer because she was standing by the door? With her husband and the store clerk close by? What was different: was it me or her?

Onward to lunch, where I finally got the waitress to make eye contact. I smiled and mentally started the count: one, and two and…gah! She looked away.

She and I did this dance several times while I chatted with her until I got a full four seconds of gaze.

My daughter and I slogged onward, until, finally, I reached my tally for the day.

Neither of us were successful unless we started up a conversation with folks, and still, it was difficult to hold the gaze of the other person. Their eyes darted to and fro, alighting on most anything except my gaze, just as mine usually do in the midst of a conversation.

Once I was home, I did a little research. I found the rule of thumb for politely holding a gaze in the U.S. to be no longer than 3 seconds.

Yup. Just looking for some justification here.

I am aware that I came into this challenge believing this behavior is intrusive and rude, and I recognized that as a real impediment. (Just had to point that out in case you missed that…)

I am also aware that limiting beliefs run very deep, and need to be yanked out by the roots and be replaced by a healthier ones.

That being said, I still came away from this day with a sense of unease coloring my completion of this challenge.

Yes, I did it. No, I didn’t like it.

Since this is definitely not an area of strength for me, I would love to observe someone who is a natural at this so I can see how it is done, that it can be done, gracefully, warmly and without a trace of incivility.

So, what is the lesson for today?

We all view life through our own prism, through the sum of our experiences and the boundaries of our beliefs. Often, we expect others have the exact same perspective, and are surprised and shocked when they don’t.

As parents, I think we need to be especially aware of our point of view as opposed to that of our children. How often do we tell our kids to just do something, whether it be jump into the mix, get involved, or to  go over and talk to someone, whether it is second nature for us to do it or not?

It is not as easy as it sounds, especially since one of us may see a potentially bountiful vista while the other may see nothing but a long walk off a short pier.

We just need to remember that part of our job is to be a positive role model, and to help guide them to what is beyond the fences, to help them become comfortably uncomfortable in opening the gate to new ideas, fresh experiences, and ultimately, a more fulfilling life.

As for me, I’m feeling better, and I think it’s time to come out from under the couch. Purrrrrrr.