A confession-Miss Too Darn Happy isn’t always happy

I have a confession to make. I am not always happy.

Yup. You heard it here. Miss Too Darn Happy is not always bubbly and joyful. Or confident, or got it all together, either.

My husband will attest to that, especially as he is handing me kleenex after kleenex.

My daughter’s parting words to me on her way out the door this morning were “Mom, you are just way to hard on yourself sometimes.” (Ed. note-my daughter said I didn’t begin to capture her real snarkiness here, so you’ll have to imagine that for yourself. If you have kids, you are already there, I am sure. )

I’m sure the message was love, although I didn’t hear it that way.

There are times I let myself be intimidated by something I need or want to do, and I am loathe to admit my fear and reluctance to others.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I just hit the wall hard after spending days thinking carefully wildly spinning my wheels.

I let a task that is on my to-do list, one that I am not very practiced at, grow into this huge monster that scared the daylights out of me.

Setting my goals for next year. That’s all.

Looks pretty innocent and doable just sitting there, doesn’t it?

I compared myself to others who excel in this area, who have been doing it for years, and found myself feeling like a tiny speck among giants.

I became paralyzed with fear and dread, and assumed that I just couldn’t get them right, and found I couldn’t get beyond a few big picture basics.

So I beat myself up really hard, because that always helps.

I wrote pages and pages in my journal, ranting and raving, until I literally ran out of steam.

I prayed. And cried. And felt unworthy of the trust and belief that others have placed in me.

I went to church, even thought I didn’t feel like it, because I know that the message will always be relevant.

Funny how that works.

And the message yesterday?

1 Thessalonians 5:18. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Give thanks in all circumstances.

While I was busy second guessing anything I did write down and constructing all the reasons I wasn’t up to doing this task, I overlooked being thankful just to have it on my list.

To be so very thankful to be part of a group of stellar folks who are way ahead of me in doing what they love, and helping me on my way there.

I probably write more about changing your point of view to help you get where you want to be than anything else, and here I was, ignoring that very advice.

So, now that I am viewing this to-do in its proper perspective, what can I offer in hindsight?

Cultivate relationships.

Think about friends or family you can confide in, who love you enough to help you through. Folks who love you enough to listen, but also who will tell you the truth, and will help you get back up and on your way. I also highly recommend getting to know God.  Even if you have never talked with Him through prayer, He knows you, loves you and misses you, and is ready to be the source of your strength and light.

Gather inspiration.

Think about things you do that lift you up. Ideas could include taking walks, reading, singing or playing an instrument for seniors at a center. Perhaps you feel better singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite tunes, deep cleaning a room or creating art. Put together a list of books, devotionals, or blogs to read to remind you of where you are and where you are going, and how other people show the way to walk through those rough patches in life.

Let go of your pride.

This is a biggie. Be transparent. Be honest. Admit you need help and go get some. While we assume that everyone else has it all together, they are all assuming the same thing about us. None of us is perfect. None of us knows it all or accomplishes everything with ease, in spite of how we appear. Let go of your pride and and let some help into your life.

While I am frankly embarrassed now to look at my fear in the light of day with a fresh perspective, and see that it wasn’t worth all that energy it took to worry about and avoid, I hope you have found encouragement to do the same. Grab one of your fears today, see it for what it really is and kick that little sucker to the curb.

Is there something we can help you find a fresh perspective on today?

Sharing at No Ordinary Blog Hop today