Wait. Shhh.
Do you hear that sound?
It’s the whirr of your inner lens constantly refocusing while you search for the perfect subject.
It’s the satisfying click when you capture that small snapshot of another person’s life.
What do you do with this prize?
Well, you snip it from the album of context, of course, and apply plenty of imagination to create an amazing image—an unrealistic standard—against which you measure your own marriage, career, and yourself.
After all, you can never resemble the picture-perfect photo you hold in your hands.
Because the individuals are more attractive, their spouse is nicer, or they have lots of money.
Because they have good kids, or they were just plain lucky.
Because it must be nice to just have the advantages and the life they have.
Ah, those magical, let-us-off-the-hook words of jealousy are so much easier to fall back upon, to fill our minds and hearts with reasons we cannot achieve our goals, because we are unwilling to look behind the Polaroid to see how that picture actually came to be developed.
What doesn’t show?
Every choice that was never made.
That’s right. Read that again.
Every choice that was NEVER made.
She didn’t let loose on her husband because the ladies in the office behaved so incredibly mean to her today.
He didn’t cut his wife to ribbons because he was angry about being passed over for a promotion.
They didn’t engage in constant power struggles because society tells them marriage is a zero sum game to be fought and won.
She didn’t disrespect him, even when she feels he is undeserving of respect.
He didn’t condemn her, even when he has to reach outside himself to offer forgiveness.
They don’t choose to hate, even when the other is at their most unlovable.
You see, it’s about being generous with your love and your help and your hope.
It’s about being unselfish, about looking to the needs of others in addition to your own.
It’s about bringing out the best in your spouse and building up your marriage.
It’s about you being honest with yourself, and recognizing and acting upon the ways you can be a better person.
When you choose to change and behave in more appropriate and graceful ways, you will ultimately be surprised by how others respond more positively to you. For some suggestions on how to get there, you can read this post on Love by the Book or this one on Praying in the Midst of a Storm.
You can spend your days being envious of others and filling your Must Be Nice album with glimpses that don’t begin to tell the whole story.
Instead, I encourage you to make choices to love, honor, cherish and respect, to be forgiving when you and others fall short and start to create deeply satisfying relationships of your own.
When you view those snapshots, you will smile to yourself and say Yes, it is very nice indeed.
I’d love to have you share if you liked this:
Must Be Nice. Sound familiar? Say goodbye to jealousy, hello to better relationships! <– CLICK HERE to tweet!
Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.
The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. ~Author Unknown
Challenge: Have you ever said, or do you make a habit of saying Must be nice? What is one step you can take today towards building stronger and more satisfying relationships?
Sharing at No Ordinary Blog Hop, Write it, Girl! and Soli Deo Gloria, Ladies Only Blog Share
Image credit-Sean Molin Photography
I HATE those words! I have to admit I have said them before, but I really try not to because I really hate it when people say that to me. That comment completely ignores the hard work, dedication, and sacrifice that a person has gone through to get where they are. Most times I receive that comment, it’s about something that the other person could have as well if they were willing to work at it. They just have the misconception that it must be easier for me.
You have hit the nail on the head there, Crystal! It is truly the easy way out, the “I am going to disrespect you and your accomplishments because I am not willing to do what you did to get where you are.”
It is yet another reason we need to celebrate when each other moves forward, for if we do not appreciate any type of success, how will it ever be a part of our lives?
I want to make those choices, Kim. Thanks for this great reminder that we can make a difference in our lives and relationships if we put aside the petty and unfair comparisons. God gives us each day–what are we going to do with it? That’s what I’m going to write on my forehead so I’ll remember it!
Oh, Beth, I laughed out loud at the idea of you writing all of that across your forehead. That being said, I could use it tattooed on my forehead as well. It is all too easy to ignore someone’s whole picture and slip into envy.
When our girls were young and became sullen and envious of someone, we would ask if they wanted to trade places, because if they were going to be covetous of what this person possessed, they needed to be willing to take on the whole shebang. Surprise-there was never a time our girls admitted to being willing to completely trade places. Funny thing about that. . .
Well said! It must be nice to be you! lol My dh and I choose to try not to take it out on each other too. Sometimes it’s hard because he’s convenient but that doesn’t make it ok. Have a great day and thanks for the reminder!
Ha ha, Dina! Thanks for coming by. Oh, our families are too convenient, aren’t they? And ultimately, they can be so forgiving, too, although sometimes it may take longer than others. As you say, that doesn’t make it ok. It makes it all the more important that we treat them like the treasures they are!
Preach. It. Sister.
Good post.
LOL, Becky! I will continue to speak as He directs me to write. I always love seeing what comes out of my tapping away at the keys!
My husband was just telling me we need to be nice to our neighbor, even though she plays loud music every time she is outside (which is often!) It’s very annoying, but being mean won’t help. (She’s gotta be in her early 60’s; but she has always been inconsiderate to us.) We just try to smile and be nice, anyway.
Oh, that’s a difficult one, Ginny Marie, and you are certainly taking the high road by turning the other cheek. Sometimes folks can be won over, “worn down” so to speak, by regular acts of kindness. Perhaps you can figure out her love language and speak to her in a way that really resonates with her. You can read about that here: http://www.toodarnhappy.com/2012/01/23/what-love-language-do-you-speak/
Twitter: jenfergie2000
says:
I have been so guilty of this. I realize though, that I’m usually in “Must be nice” land when I’m discontent with my own life. I am not viewing my life as full of gifts from God, but only with the lens of the “I have not.” I am not looking for the good, but nourishing myself only with the pity. What good advice you give here, Kim!
Thanks, Jen. It is a phrase I really despise. I heard it a lot when my parent’s business became very successful, and new workers or acquaintances would look at the small but visible notes of their hard work, and say with a bit of a sneer, “Must be nice!”. They never saw the 17 years my mom owned the same winter coat, the countless meals of spaghetti, or soup and peanut butter sandwiches, or a family with 7 kids living in a home with 3 bedrooms and one full bath, with an unheated upstairs in the winter.
I hear it in regards to my marriage, too. I heard it just a couple of weeks ago second hand, that someone had said, “Well, it must be nice to have a perfect marriage.” It was actually the inspiration for this post!
The choices you describe didn’t come easily for me as I was raised in a home where disrepect was the norm in the verbal and emotional abuse handed out by our mom. When I married my second husband, I continued the pattern of disrespect until one day he said, “Do you realize you’re behaving just like your mother?” That was the switch that turned me around. I did NOT want to be like her, but because of the impact our environment has on us, I was “being her.” It took time and my husband’s patience for me to learn to make better choices. Thanks for giving me the chance to share this with others.
What a treasure you have in your husband! Thanks so much for coming by and sharing. There are many folks who believe that because they grew up in an abusive household, they will never escape their perceived destiny as abusers. As you have noted by your change, it is possible to be different, but it takes effort and a desire to change.
You’ve said some very insightful things here. And are so on point. “must be nice” should really just be rephrased as “I’m so jealous”. And for what? We all have our crosses to bear and places to grow. We should focus on our own inner work more than focusing on other people’s external appearances. Thanks for sharing.
Oh, I like that Keya! You are absolutely right about it coming down to jealousy. I am willing to bet, however, that if folks were given the choice to completely change lives with those they envy, they wouldn’t. We just need to do the hard work of cultivating and pruning ourselves into better individuals.
Oh, the comparison game. I do that more than I’d like to admit. You are right. We forget what’s going on behind the scenes. I need to focus on myself and how I am giving and loving rather than on what I wish I had. Thanks for this reminder!
Absolutely, Christina! We have to keep our eyes on where we can effect change in our lives, and keep our eyes peeled for opportunities to support and encourage others when they grow in positive ways.
Twitter: Soulstops
says:
Great insights and reminder…thanks, Kim!
You are welcome, Dolly! Thanks for coming by today!
I love this post Kim.
One of the things my wife Yvonne and I always talk about is that most people don’t realize that being happily married does not mean always being happy… Being happily married is a choice two people make every day, and yes – just like there are good days – there are bad days too.
One of the things I love about this piece is the fact that people forget that you usually take photos of just the good times and usually when its sunny… For example, taking a photo of someone on a stormy afternoon after they had a horrible day at work would be just plain wrong and make for a lousy pic.
Thank you again for this excellent Blog post and wishing you the absolute best!
Hi George! I am so glad this post resonated with you. You are right-we rarely take pictures in the midst of storms. We generally are too focused on just getting through them.
You remind me that when we have the bad days in marriage, we need to make the best of them and certainly don’t let them drown the relationship. We can stay inside and mop about the rain, or we can go play joyfully in the puddles. It is up to each couple to make the most of where they are.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Twitter: amberdayhicks
says:
love this. definitely going to have an awareness of my statements now. Thanks for linking up with the #LOBS!
Amber Day Hicks recently posted…Living as an adult diagnosed with ADHD & my 9 year daughter just being diagnosed with ADD.
Glad you found encouragement here, and thanks for stopping by, Amber. Love #LOBS!
Twitter: DishofDailyLife
says:
I think we’re all guilty of it at some time or another. But you’re right…we make our own choices and those choices have end results. We need to realize our destinies lie within ourselves!
Michelle recently posted…Manage your Customer Relationships and Projects with Insightly!