Divers, courtesy James Vaughan @ Flickr
When we get together with our families for holiday dinners, we may wish for a gathering worthy of a Norman Rockwell portrait. The reality is, however, that we are all blemished and broken, sometimes thorny and troublesome people, and yet still, somehow, generally speaking, are eminently and uniquely lovable.
That being said, we often spend much of our time searching diligently for imperfections in others rather than recognizing and working on our own. We may decide their transgressions are just too much to be forgiven, or we determine they are too boring, or too different or just too imperfect. They are just not worth even a few hours of our precious time.
If you are an individual who just might be modeling this behavior, this letter is for you, sent with a mother’s unconditional love. 
Dear Well-loved Family Members,
I am that mom who works hard at giving my best to my family. I am both a sounding board and a shoulder to cry upon, and one who has learned to bite her tongue rather than having to eat crow later. I pour out love abundantly and endlessly over everyone, even when I am plain tuckered out, because it’s what we moms do.
I treat my spouse with the love and respect he deserves purely by virtue of being my husband, but also because it is what he needs and desires, and simply because I love him. I am so grateful for my in-laws because they raised the man I love. I treasure my extended family not just because they are mine, but especially because they are the persons my children chose to marry. I adore my grandchildren, sometimes in spite of their behaviors, because they are still a work in process.
Am I a superhero, perfect Mom? Ha! Absolutely not. But I strive to give it my best, putting my best foot forward and listening and learning from the feedback of others.
You know I will be holding my traditional holiday dinner get together in the near future. I know some of you don’t go to church and may not believe in God, even though I do. Nonetheless, I love you all dearly. I choose to focus on what is wonderful and special about each one of you, and I figure you and God can work out the rest. My desire is to have us spend time together, to relish the moments, commiserate, celebrate and support one another, or perhaps simply to tell those familiar, funny stories or reminisce about people and places of long ago.
I know there has been more discord and differences of opinions lately in the family about how each person is conducting their affairs, ending their marriages, or raising their children.
When I call to invite you to dinner, perhaps you will choose the low road and channel your inner middle-school mean girl.
Your churlish voice and the selfish stamp of your feet will come through loud and clear as you defiantly toss your hair and your careless words my way, declaring that you will certainly not be coming if that other relative is attending.
Because you have decided,—judge, jury and executioner that you are—that I must choose you or her.
That I must dis-invite her and welcome you with open arms.
Even though you have, well, sometimes behaved badly in your own right and have been the recipient of much grace and forgiveness. You have determined she is just not worthy of the same.
Perhaps instead you will casually toss out the fewest words you can spare for me and just say “Nope. Won’t be there,” making sure I understand how very little I matter to you.
Even though you aim to maim, know this: I will forgive you and will always love you, for you are my child.
When I call to invite you, my hope is that instead you will do the right thing, and be the wonderful, thoughtful children your dad and I brought you up to be.
Because family is important.
Because we share stories and history.
But especially because we share a legacy of love and laughter, and we all have behaved badly sometimes, and yet still have forgiven so much over the years.
So come to the family gathering. Look for the good and be kind to one another, reconnect and discover one another anew.
Because at the end of the day, it’s just what families do.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Challenge for today: Do you have a gathering you have been avoiding? What steps can you take to attend and to help make it an enjoyable event for yourself and others?
Image Credit-James Vaughan
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I don’t know if this is really intended for your family and extended family or not, but I can tell that if it is, you love them deeply. I’m so glad that you are committed to them and to forgiveness. It is a beautiful picture of what Christ does for us in the family of God. Holding you and your family in my prayers, Kim! Beautiful post as always!
You are so right, Beth. If He forgives me for all the foolish and hurtful things I have done, then I must offer the same forgiveness and grace to others. Thanks for your sweet comment and your prayers.
Twitter: jenfergie2000
says:
Oftentimes, I am guilty of not extending the forgiveness and grace that I have been the recipient so many times over. What an amazing way to put it — you be honoring and honorable because family is important and so much has already been shared.
I think we are all in good company and in the same boat, Jen. Forgiveness and grace for me but not for thee. Ouch. Thanks for stopping by!
If this letter reflects your own family experience at present, I’m so sorry. There are some hurt feelings among my extended family, but the people involved will not be at the same Easter celebrations this year because of the way the family tree has branched out in recent years. I appreciate the wisdom of your words here and the combination of courage to confront bad behavior with love for the one acting out. I have a bad tendency to put up with bad behavior because it’s harder to speak hard truth in love. You linked up ahead of me at Soli Dei Gloria, and I learned something from my visit here. Thank you and may the Lord bless your Easter worship (and family gathering) with a strong felt sense of His presence and peace.
Thanks for coming over from Jen’s Soli Dei Gloria. I just love the community there! Thank you for your kind words. It can be very hard to speak up, and it is something that I think every family deals with at one point or another.
Twitter: SUSZYCUE
says:
I found this to be a very comforting post; mainly because I think our family is just like yours. We are struggling to put together our every two year family reunion and regretfully, there are some contentions to deal with. I like you just continue to love them all, pray for them and forgive them. All I want is to have them “Love One Another” because that is what Christ would do and asks us to do.
Blessings to you for a great read today and for the comfort given.
LeAnn, I am so glad that you found comfort here. Differences of opinion, plain and ordinary misunderstandings, overstepping boundaries on purpose or by mistake just to name a few-there are just so many ways we end up with friction in our relationships. I, too, would love to have every family love each other fully for who they are.
Since we can’t change others, we can certainly work on our own broken selves.
Thanks so much for coming by!
Well said! I remember many Easter dinners with my mom’s side of the family (who ARE all Christians) where they would always argue — about religion and politics. Funny thing is, they always agreed with each other, the discussion just came off in a very arguing way. My cousins and I would escape downstairs and just eat our candy.
Thanks for sharing! P.S. That photo is hilarious, I wonder when it was taken…
Thank you, Carrie, for sharing about your Easters. The idea of you escaping downstairs with your cousins is funny! I think holidays can just be difficult for many families.
I love that photo too. There’s just something about vintage photos that are so interesting!