Before I was married, one of the many young men I dated was a radio disk jockey.
Just a word to the wise, moms: If your daughter wants to date a dj, just say NO. I was a dj, too, so I got to know many of them. Let’s just leave it that they are a special breed who dance to a very different tune and who are more familiar with brash and bravado than care and caution.
That being said, here is my cautionary tale and the lessons I learned.
BF (confidently) – Let’s go sailing today!
Me (doubtfully) – Do you know how to sail?
BF (brazenly) – Oh, yes. I’ve done it many times before. Let’s go!
And so began an adventure for which I was thoroughly unprepared.
With the mid-day sunshine streaming through the windows and puffy white clouds dotting the way, BF and I jumped into the car and headed for the lake.
Upon arrival, we rented a sailboat.
Just like that. No quiz, no questions, no asking about real world experience.
Dressed only in my t-shirt, shorts, sneakers, and carrying nothing, I had traveled light.
The vendor shoved a life-vest into my hands, and I dutifully put it on.
What else in the world would I need?
I padded across the deck, blissfully excited and obviously unencumbered by how sailing was actually done, grabbed BF’s outstretched hand and climbed aboard.
BF fumbled a bit with the gear and ropes, and my joy began to turn to doubt as he struggled to get the craft smoothly underway.
Eventually he turned the sail to catch the brisk breeze, and off we went.
The further away we got from our starting point, however, the darker the sky became.
The billowy clouds stretched and flattened, becoming an ominous gray sheet over the sun.
The spirited winds turned intimidating, slapping hard against the side of the boat.
And then the cold, hard, rain poured down, drenching our clothes.
I was suddenly chilled to the bone, and it wasn’t due to the turn in the weather:
Whatever skills BF thought he had, he didn’t have.
The sailboat rocked and tilted at a precarious angle, water splashing across the deck, once so steeply the tips of the sails almost kissed the white caps.
As I hung on with all the strength I could muster and watched BF struggle to keep the boat upright, I realized he wasn’t wearing a safety vest.
Oh, good golly.
If he went into the lake, there was no way I could pilot the boat back to safety.
To my huge relief, somehow we did make it back.
We dragged our soaking selves off the boat and back to the car, where I proceded to turn the heat on high, my cold shoulder on freezing, and my conversation on mute.
For years, I wondered how we made it back to the dock in one piece.
I don’t know if I have ever felt less in control or been so afraid of dying.
I know now without a doubt, God was with us, both to keep me from drowning and also from whacking BF with my squishy wet shoes, yelling, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”
This may come as a shock, but our relationship went under that day and never recovered.
The great news is that God plants opportunities for joyful growth everywhere,
even in places that appear too wild or barren to possibly support them.
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1. Be willing to try new things, but be safe and be smart. Yes. I still strongly encourage moving out of your comfort zone, in spite of my many fails over the years. Use wisdom. Take a class. Hire a coach. Go volunteer. Work with someone who can safely launch you into a new activity.
2. You only fail if you don’t get back up. I could have stayed away from the water forever, but what fun is that? Fast forward years later to when we bought kayaks for our Inn. My hubbie and I took a half-day lesson so we could safely paddle around the multiple water bodies in our area. We now enjoy fishing and photographing together from land and from calm waters.
3. Set your goals high enough so they scare you, or at least make you really nervous. When we took our kayak lessons, the instructor asked us our goals. I said I wanted to come back from the river trip alive. Oh, and to keep my sneakers dry.
4. Put things in their proper perspective by looking back from the future. Sometimes we need the benefit of time and distance for us to view an idea without the distortion of fear. Remember the stress of learning our abc’s, how to ride a bike, and how to drive? We look back now, and the majority of the time our worries were groundless, and kept us from the new and interesting.
5. Choose to leap into something new with a buddy for encouragement. My husband and I wanted to improve our communication skills, and believed Toastmasters would provide the right environment for us. We joined about six months ago and have been delighted. Not only do we get together with other like-minded folks once a week, but we have also been able to help each other grow in our speaking ability.
6. Stretch your comfort zone to create more breathing room. Are you familiar with that quote about a mind being stretched and never going back to its original size? The more you challenge yourself, the more that scary things will morph into the ordinary. The good news is that your range—your space to joyfully and reasonably comfortably particpate in life—will increase from a postage stamp lot to a thousand acre field!
7. Closing the door on one chapter—a quaint euphemism for failing—means another begins. As I noted, my relationship ended with BF soon after our boating fiasco. My roommate later took me out on the town because I was moping about being single again. Guess who I met that night? 
Ultimately our attitudes will shape our perspective before, during, and especially after each voyage and will determine our ability to find joy in the journey.
Throughout, we will change what we can, accept what we can’t, and be open to leaving familiar shores for what lies beyond!
Questions: What potentially negative event has happened to you that you have been able to turn happily around into an opportunity for personal growth? Which of the above lessons resonate the most with you, either that you’ve experienced or want to experience?
Sharing with NOBH, Happy Wives Club, Finding Heaven
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Twitter: TamaraCamPhoto
says:
My sister is a radio DJ and she has dated many radio DJs and I have to admit – I would NEVER go sailing with them. There was a sailboat crashing incident, believe it or not. Actually I think you would!
Glad you made it back and learned some lessons along the way.
Tamara recently posted…I Took a Breather.
Oh, those dasterdly dj’s! So my experience was not outside of the norm. I had assumed as much.
Hope all ended well for your sister, and thanks for your kind words!
Twitter: HappyWivesClub
says:
Our perspectives shape every aspect of our lives. Francis Chan preached yesterday at our church (Saddleback) and he talked about the command that said, “Rejoice and again I say rejoice.” He reminded us no other place in the Bible does it say, “And again I say” in reference to a command. So when we look for reasons to rejoice and we live a life of joy, every aspect of our life is shaped by that.
Fawn Weaver recently posted…Marriage Mondays: 3 Easy Steps to Achieving Your Dreams {& His}
Absolutely, Fawn! Our perspectives shape our world in such dramatic and powerful ways. I’ve always said that we get more of what we focus on!
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
I love your advice as always, Especially to be safe and be smart BUT to set goals high enough that they scare you. It’s that balance of aiming high but doing our homework that I think fosters the most growth.
ilene recently posted…In Praise of Pop Tarts
Well put, Ilene. I like how you call it doing your homework. I know that helps me feel less fearful when I am stepping out. Now I must go read your post, as I am intrigued by the healthy diva praising pop tarts. Hope you went all in for the frosted ones! ;-D
Twitter: susanrstilwell
says:
Hey Kim! Ughhh that story made my stomach churn! I once dated a guy with a motorcycle (another warning). I loved your click to tweet. Says it all! And I love that you met somebody very special when you were moping. That’ll preach too!
Susan Stilwell recently posted…Pondering The Boston Marathon Tragedy
Oooh, a bad boy biker!! I’d like to hear that story! Of course, my hubbie was a bad boy biker, complete with a pierced ear and leather covered jeans and a big old Harley. Now we both ride, and I was shocked to find I loved it.
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Susan!
What a great post! It reminded me of some of my younger escapades and God’s great escape. Bless His name forever!
Sandra at Thistle Cove Farm recently posted…Struggles and Trust
I so agree with you, Sandra. I look back on my escapades and say Thank God I came through safe and sound! Thanks for coming on over from the farm!
What wonderful advise you have shared! I too loved your click to tweet. Thank you for sharing.
Many blessings to you.
Beth
Beth recently posted…With A Grateful Heart
Thanks, Beth. I you find my advice helpful! Thanks so much for coming by!
I dated a daredevil (foolhardy) dj in college too. Hmm, wonder if it was the same guy? haha! I’m so glad you survived that miserable voyage, Kim. So many dangerous alternative endings flashed through my mind as I read your story. Isn’t it amazing how much we can learn from failure–ultimately, more than we ever learn from success in life! Thanks for the wisdom here, my friend!
What is it with us women who date daredevils? Was yours named Jeff? That was his dj name. I could be described as wallpaper because I was so shy in my youth. Perhaps I was drawn to their bravado because I so lacking in courage.
Yes, we do learn so much more from failure, don’t we? I just wish it wasn’t so scary or painful! Love you, thanks for sharing!
Twitter: HappyWivesClub
says:
Controlling the sail, not the wind… Brilliant! That painted a beautiful picture for me that I will visualize every time I attempt to control the wind. Thanks, Kim!
Fawn Weaver recently posted…Creamy Shrimp and Artichoke Casserole
Glad that resonated with you, Fawn! We so often attempt to control what we cannot, and overlook what is within our control.
“Be willing to try new things, but be safe and be smart. ”
I’ve always followed this throughout my life, especially when making life-altering decisions. Better safe than sorry, is what I usually tell my friends when they harp me about ‘not being adventurous’. 😉
Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club link up.
Bella recently posted…3 Tips to Maintaining Your Happiness No Matter What
There is a balance to be struck there, Bella, and I agree it’s important to be safe. I hear you on being ribbed by friends! I found to my dismay a while back that I was using safe as a shield sometimes because I was afraid of failure, not because I would be at risk. Ah, so many lessons to learn, and re-learn, in my case!
Thanks so much for stopping by from HWC!
Twitter: Soulstops
says:
Kim,
“You only fail if you don’t get back up.” So so true. So glad you made it safely back to shore and met your sweetie, Keith 
Thanks for being my GSD Buddy; you’re awesome…still need to work on SC manifesto…
So many good lessons here, as usual
Dolly recently posted…How do you taste and see that God is good?
Awww, you always make me smile, Dolly! Thank you for being buddies and a wonderful encourager!
Twitter: SUSZYCUE
says:
I really enjoyed reading your adventure. What some scary moments; I am glad you made it back.
I would say Amen to all of your thoughts on this one. You do have great wisdom and I am I loved this one.
I love the thought of having Joy in your journey. I keep a journal of my life experiences and I know that I
have many moments of growth through difficulties.
Blessings to you!
Hi LeAnn! Thanks for sharing about your journaling. It’s so nice to be able to go back and see our challenges, and then see how we’ve grown as well. Blessings to you as well!
Twitter: CalmHealthySexy
says:
This is great advice, Kim! I tend to be too conservative – not taking the risks I need to take to grow and change. I need to remember the safeguards you outlined – we can stretch and take risks but still be (somewhat) safe.
Gaye recently posted…16 Fun and Healthy Date Ideas
You are speaking my language, Gaye! I was always such a scaredy cat when it came to risks, and such a worrier about how foolish I’d look when I failed.
It’s a lot like that Chinese proverb about a journey of a thousand miles beginning with one step. When we take a step a day, we push against the edges of our comfort zone, then another and another. Before you know it, your territory is so much larger!
Twitter: CalmHealthySexy
says:
Just saw this pin and thought it was a good complement to this post! http://pinterest.com/pin/213850682278652672/
Gaye recently posted…CalmHealthySexy Cooks! Tex-Mex Shredded Beef
Love it! Thanks for sharing. Isn’t it the truth?!
A good read filled with wisdom. Finding “joy in the journey” is essential. And it must begin in our hearts.
Pamela recently posted…Bringing Beauty to the Ugly
Thanks, Pamela! Welcome to my joyful corner.
I like the seventh lesson, about the doors closing. I try not to look too longingly on those closed doors, because there have been a few. When people choose to separate themselves from your life, or sever your ties, that’s their decision, and you move on. It’s not always easy.
But there’s a discovery, or rediscovery, of yourself just waiting, if you’ll let it begin. I have to say it’s been an incredible experience for me so far.
Loved this post!
Eli recently posted…5 For Friday: Reasons It’s Good To Be a Fierce Diva.
I, too, have looked too long at closed doors. I’ve actually tried to pry a few of them open again, to no avail.
Just love how you described the upside of the separation, Eli: the rediscovery of yourself. That really resonates with me! Thanks for coming by and taking the time to comment!
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