I’m excited to introduce you to my guest writer today, especially since he is a friend and past coach: Joel Boggess, of Finding Your Voice Radio.
I discovered Joel when I was drowning—again—in a job that didn’t fit, and he helped me see I actually had skills and talent that I could put to use doing something I love.
With the heart of a teacher and the patience of a friend, Joel blends his educational experience, (a Master’s in Counseling and an MBA) together with a passion for helping others to realize their God-given potential.
He shares today about three easy-to-use ideas he teaches that will help you make the next, right decision.
In the first phase of her relationship, she did the lion’s share of the heavy lifting: paid the bills, made the mortgage and kept up with appearances and responsibilities.
While she was doing what she knew had to be done, her health, temperament and patience were being swept away like a leaf in the current.
She was educated, well liked and very practical in her ideas and actions. Shelly also knew she was on earth for a reason and part of some bigger plan; she just couldn’t figure out where to look or how to start.
When she and I first started working together, she did what she had always done: she tried to apply the “rules” and “conditions” she had picked up along the way, hoping they would help her make better sense out of the mixed messages her body and spirit were sending her.
In her own words, she was “stuck” and was ready to use whatever lever was needed to pry herself loose.
My challenge to Shelly: “Feel your way through.”
Here’s what I mean: While most of us learn to rely on our understanding, knowledge and intellect to resolve challenges and to solve problems, we’re often also taught to ignore, sideline, or distract ourselves from the emotional hints, clues, and reminders that are pointing us to a better direction.
As logical thinkers and hands-on doers, many of us have lost touch with the triggers that are embedded in the essence of who we are. Unfortunately, the consequences of editing or denying one’s own feelings come with a hefty price tag: spiritual unrest, migraines, a loss of hope or worse.
How do you make the best decision?
Develop a healthy trust in your emotional conversation; learn from its clues and act on its cues.
There’s an ancient Script that says “out of the heart flow the springs of life.” Your emotions and God live in your heart.
Here are three easy-to-use ideas that will help you reconnect with God, your emotional guidance system and the next, right decision for you.
1. Put yourself on a low information diet.
For many families, it’s a generational habit – watch the morning news for a recap and wrap up with the evening news for the latest. That’s what mom, dad, grandma and grandpa did.
The challenge we face today and one that grandma never saw coming is that the “news” is no longer waiting for us, it is now coming at us. As the demands are continually being raised for our time and attention, continuous streams of information have overloaded our capacity and spun us into non-stop reaction mode.
Thought-starters: Risk missing the latest from the “situation room” and turn off the TV. You won’t let your kid watch certain programs. Guess what? The inner child in you needs that same sort of protection. Be willing to curb the social media urge. Build boundaries around your email, Facebook, and other pinging, ringing distractions.
Many people fill their lives with noise to escape their true, innermost feelings. Do yourself and your family a wonderful service: don’t be one of them.
2. Take time for your life.
For some, the words meditation or reflective prayer conjure images of yogis sitting in the lotus position for hours on end. If contortions aren’t your thing, don’t worry. My wife, Pei, is a yoga devotee. She will tell you that you don’t need a mat to clear your mind and get in touch with what stirs you. All you need is a little time and a quiet space.
Quick-start idea: Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. For ten minutes, clear your mind and focus on your breathing. Once you get the rhythm of your breathing down (it will probably happen around the count of ten or twenty) thoughts will begin to fill the space you just created. Choose a thought that brings you hope and joy. Explore through it. If your thought, idea, or fantasy moves you deeply, stay with it. Don’t wander off. Resist the temptation to grade or analyze the value or worth of what you are feeling.
Be fully present and allow yourself to be lost in the experience.
Thought starters: How creative will you let yourself be? Will you dim the lights? Use candles? Play soft music? Have a partner? This is a wonderful opportunity to give yourself the gift of a real moment.
Scientists say that people who regularly meditate learn how to handle life with less stress and often experience relief from chronic pain and other medical and psychological problems. Results from a medical study show that meditation decreases the frequency of menopausal women’s hot flashes by an average of 39%.
3. Be childlike.
When a little girl or boy walks up to a playground, they’re not judging, criticizing or thinking about the end result. Their eyes are full of possibilities and opportunities. Their attention and energy are focused on the experience.
Throw out the rulebook, detach yourself from the outcome and do something simply for the fun of it.
Thought starters: Tell it like it is; don’t be afraid to make a mess; take your spouse, significant other, or yourself out on a date with no expectations or agenda; go camping; try a different ethnic food; or do something you enjoyed as a child.
Go on and join in. It will be liberating!
You are welcome to do these steps in order, backward, or in any combination or sequence you’d like. Learning how to touch your emotions and feel your way through is not about following rigid, step-by-step instructions. It’s about exploration, growth, and development.
These three ideas are from my latest eBook, 7 Days to Self Care, and have helped many along their journey. For the full download with our compliments, go to Finding Your Voice. You should get immediate access to the eBook once you register.
Question: What part of decision making do you find difficult and how can we help?
Sharing at NOBH, Happy Wives Club, Finding Heaven
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Photo by GingerPig2000 via Flickr
I agree, Joel. Finding our voice is so important in life and it’s sad that many go through an entire life without knowing what they are feeling or how to express it. Thanks also to you, Kim, for sharing Joel’s helpful suggestions.
That is indeed the sad truth, Beth. I was one of those folks who didn’t think I had anything special, no gifts of any real value. Yikes. So glad I’m not in that place anymore! You are doing a similarly terrific service showing married couples that it is possible to have a healthy and happy marriage. Too many think that marriage is more a sentence to be endured than a joyful lifetime partnership.
Twitter: joelboggess
says:
Hi Beth,
Thank you for reading and for your kind words.
Something almost magical is released in the air when women tell the truth to themselves.
It is an absolute delight to see Kim move within that magic on a daily basis.
Joel Boggess recently posted…FYV 224 Seven Figure Stay-at-Home-Mom
Twitter: mjwallace3
says:
Great post! Going through the decision making process right now. Headed to the beach for a few days and will remember these 3 ideas. Thank you for sharing!
Melissa recently posted…Summertime at UGA
Thanks for stopping by before you headed out. Scrunch your toes and walk along the beach for me, Melissa. Have fun with your family!
Twitter: TarynRaulston
says:
(Stopping by from Soli Deo Gloria Party) We are currently making some big decisions in our family. Thanks for the good advice!
You are most welcome. Joel has lots more at his site and in his podcasts at findingyourvoice.com. Good luck with your decisions!
Joel,
I love the idea of protecting yourself from too much social media, email, etc. It’s time to do some real soul searching there. Visiting from the Soli Deo Gloria girls…
Summer Gross recently posted…Where to Go with Our Grief
Agreed, Summer! It’s about having to say no to the “good” so we can say yes to the better!
Twitter: wheretesslives
says:
That is a way better way to do it then I do. I really need to take those steps first next time! Thanks!
Tess recently posted…Tuesday Things
Glad you enjoyed Joel’s points. Be sure to follow the link and download his free ebook for more! Thanks for stopping by.
Twitter: TamaraCamPhoto
says:
And isn’t that amazing?! A child walking up to a playground, confidence and planning filling their minds. Then execution. Oh, the possibilities if we could all operate that way more often. Maybe not always..but often.
Love this.
Tamara recently posted…Upside Down.
Possibilities, indeed, Tamara. I imagine you see it in your adorable children’s eyes daily. They will be a great reminder of these points for you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Twitter: joelboggess
says:
Thank you Tamara.
In my experience the ability to operate and live a life of non-judgment and wonderful possibilities come from two things: the willingness to surrender to who you are, and to whom you are not.
Joel Boggess recently posted…FYV 224 Seven Figure Stay-at-Home-Mom
Twitter: susanrstilwell
says:
My favorite part of this — the low-info diet. I was just talking to a friend about this over lunch. Great tips, Kim and Joel!
Susan Stilwell recently posted…Graffiti Summer ~ Broken For Others
Ooomph, that’s the one that really hits home for me, Susan. I was a major political information junkie and had to cut waaaaaay back on what I was reading and how much time I was spending reading. No surprise, but I was happier and had more time available to do important things.
Always appreciate you joining the conversation, Susan!
Twitter: amylsullivan1
says:
Fantastic article sprinkled with all kinds of good advice. Thanks for hosting, Kim. Joel, nice write.
Amy Sullivan recently posted…When You Have an Aversion to Small Talk and When You Can Small Talk All Day Long
You are very welcome, Amy. Thanks for coming by!
Twitter: HappyWivesClub
says:
This is such a great post, Kim! My favorite decision making tool is what I call the “box me in” prayer. I just ask God to close each and every door I’m not supposed to walk through in such a way that no man, including myself, can open. Then I ask Him to swing the doors wide open that I am to walk through, in such a way that no man -even me- can close. I love that prayer and it helps me to make the right decision every time (at least every time I pray it instead of trying to act on my own which is never a good idea :)).
Fawn Weaver recently posted…25 Free & Frugal Ways To Celebrate Your Anniversary
I love that idea, Fawn. What a great visual it brings to my mind. I appreciate you sharing that prayer!
LOVED the ideas….they just ring with peace!
Oooh, love that insight, Lisa! Yes, making decisions with peace rather than stress is so much easier!
Twitter: Soulstops
says:
Thanks for the ideas, Joel…thanks, Kim for hosting…I am learning to listen to how God speaks to me through my feelings, and being quiet before Him…still need prayer for my soul care manifesto…Thanks, Kim, for being such an awesome buddy
Dolly recently posted…On Monopoly, Money & Matthew
Ah, yes. That quiet time in prayer and remembering to listen is so important, Dolly. I will continue to pray for your work, and thank you, too!
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
These are excellent suggestions. I am a huge fan of meditation as you know and focusing on breath. I love the idea of focusing on something that brings us joy.
Ilene recently posted…The Good Neighbor
Exactly, Ilene. Your comment brings an old phrase to mind: We become what we think about. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, friend!