Did you do your final check in the mirror today, making sure everything was just so?
Did you find yourself murmuring that eternal question of comparison: Mirror, mirror on the wall. . .
How about your heart? Did you remember to do a beauty check on that, too?
That’s where we say beauty is really found, don’t we?
It’s what’s inside that counts.
In the past week I have seen true beauty in the compassion of so many friends praying for my nephew, in the faith of women leading young lady campers, in the caring of family who drop everything to provide moral support.
Showing grace, offering hope, sharing love.
That’s beauty.
I had written on this topic some time ago for one of Lisa-Jo’s writing flash mob Five Minute Fridays.
I’m sharing the post as a reminder to walk the talk, to model this for our daughters and sons.
The original post is below, plus links to some perspectives from terrific writers.
There is a video, too, from Barlow Girl. I drew the title from her lyrics:
Mirror, mirror on the wall, have I got it?
‘Cause mirror you’ve always told me, who I am
I’m finding it’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry, you won’t define me
Sorry, you don’t own me
Be sure to give it a listen.
How many times have we comforted our daughters after someone has hit them with some hard words:
You’re ugly. You’re fat. The boys will never like you. Those clothes look awful on you. What were you thinking?
Ow.
You hold your precious babies close, and wipe away the tears and those words they believe.
We remind our daughters that they are beautiful, both in our eyes and God’s, that what counts is what is inside.
How many times have we said that? “What counts is what’s inside. Beauty is only skin deep.”
And yet, with all our support and love and helping them take their first steps across the living room floor and then through the hazards of the teen years, we may be setting an example that is absolutely counter to what we pray for them.
Is the phrase below familiar phrase to you?
Oh, no. You don’t need me in the picture. I look awful. Just you, hon, and the kids. That’s great. That’s all I need.
Let me repeat that in case you missed it.
I. Look. Awful.
How many of you shun the camera, put your hand in front of your face or threaten death to anyone who does attempt to capture your image?
I used to work for a photography studio, and I would sit with the parents as we would go through the delightful images which clearly showed the love between the family members.
Almost without fail, any time a picture of the mom would appear, she would immediately say, “Oh! That’s awful. Toss that.”
We work so hard to be good role models to our daughters, and here we are-regularly-teaching them that our words mean nothing, that when push comes to shove, it is the outer beauty that is the most important.
Have you ever thought of it that way, ladies?
Back in the studio, the husband and the kids would protest, that they loved the pictures of mom, but mom was resolute in her utter dislike for the photos.
What I would say is that it was important for the family to have photos of you, just as it was important to have photos of everyone else. I would remind her that what her family sees is the woman they love.
The wife he adores and married, and would marry again.
The children who, in spite of their sometimes taxing behaviors, love their mom to the ends of the earth.
I would ask her to see herself as her family does, and to go easier on herself.
I ask the same of you today.
Be the role model for your daughters and sons you desire to be.
Accept yourself for the beautiful woman that you are, and the next time there is a gathering where people pull out their cameras, just smile and say “Go right ahead. I’m ready.”
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, you don’t own me, not at all! Share this criticism-squashing reminder with your friends by CLICKING HERE to tweet. 
Do not let anyone tell you differently:
You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. ~Song of Solomon 4:7 (NLT)
More inspiring writing:
Over the princess message by Beth Guckenberger at The Better Mom
How to weed out the lie you are not beautiful by Lisa-Jo of Gypsy Mama
Talking to your daughter about beauty by Emily Heist Moss at The Good Men Project
When you care about your daughter’s appearance more than you want to by Laura of Pruning Princesses
Ask 100 women if they think they’re beautiful and this is what they say by Lisa-Jo of Gypsy Mama
How to teach what looking beautiful looks like by Tricia Goyer
Are you raising a praise junkie? From me
Question: What is your biggest challenge with beauty?
Sharing at The Mommy Mess Going Green
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Twitter: LisaHowards4n
says:
Squashing self-criticism is such a tough one. I just spent the last 20 minutes drowning in messages of self reproach. I eventually took a deep breath and convinced myself to stop the non-sense. This is a wonderful post…read at THE most perfect moment. Thank you!
Lisa Howard recently posted…A Look Back – When Cancer Came Calling
Glad this came at the perfect moment, Lisa. God is good at putting us with the right people at the right time, isn’t he?
Twitter: TamaraCamPhoto
says:
Well I comment on this from so many angles..as a woman with a four-year-old I shudder to think about what she’ll go through and what I went through. As a photographer, yes, I see the same in so many of my beautiful clients. Sometimes they shrink away from the camera and they want it all about their clear-skinned babies. I only get that as a mother because I too have the same reaction to photos of myself. And I do not want to do that for many reasons, most of them about my daughter seeing that reaction.
Tamara recently posted…The Memory Keepers.
Well said, Tamara! So many great perspectives to view this response and come face to face with our core beliefs on our own beauty. Thanks for sharing!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!! We are the role models for our children and they are watching whether or not we think they are. I need to get in more pictures…and not screw up my face when I see the results. FANTASTIC post. Just fabulous. –Lisa
The Dose of Reality recently posted…CAPTCHA, I *STILL* WANNA PUNCH YA!
“And not screw up my face when I see the results.” LOL, Lisa. Been there, have to work at not doing it. I have an SIL who always ducked from the camera. After years of (gently) harassing me about taking pictures at family gatherings, she realized how few pics she had of her and her mom together. I was honored to do pics for them. What a hoot we had that day!
What an amazing reminder. I am so guilty of making comments about how I feel I look bad, or feel fat. I need to remember that little ears are always listening – and eyes are watching too !
Leah Davidson recently posted…My Girl
I cannot imagine how many women are reading your comment and shaking their heads up and down in agreement, Leah! I have gained about 10 lbs in the past year, and I have cringed at current pics of me. Yes, little eyes and ears are watching, and so are teen and young adult, too. :-O
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Twitter: chasingcloud9
says:
I’m very guilty of hiding from the camera, and when somebody does manage to snap a picture of me I tell them they should delete it. Yet, I enjoy looking back through years of photos and seeing myself interacting with my family…especially my kids. I know they’ll want to see me in pictures someday!
Stacey recently posted…Birthday Week Celebration: A Star Is Born!
I understand completely, Stacey. I have always been way more comfortable in back of the camera than in front of.
Yes, I can tell you from experience your kids will want to see you in the pictures! Just smile and go for it!
I’ve not thought of it that way before, Kim, but when we talk that way about getting our pictures made, we are setting the tone for our kids. I’m certain I’ve probably focused too much attention to the way I look over the years. Thankfully my boys aren’t as vain, but I’m certain it impacts them in some way. Great reminder!
Setting the tone, indeed. Yes, yes! How we act, react, speak, the language we use, the way we approach conflict. . .kids are such incredible sponges and soak up every message on every channel we send.
What a responsibility. . .eeeek! We all manage, though, as we help one another through the unknown wilderness known as parenting.
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
I am so guilty of being overly critical of myself – and even though I am very careful around my daughters, they will pick it up from me if I’m not careful. You’ve heard me blog about my weight gain and how I’ve struggled with that, and some of the photos posted of me from BlogHer – not flattering in the least! But you are so right in that what’s most important is what’s in our hearts Heck yes.
Ilene recently posted…My Aha Moment from #BlogHer’13: Thank You Sheryl Sandberg
Heck yes right back at you, Ilene! I don’t love you any less, just so you know. ;-D
Twitter: DishofDailyLife
says:
What wonderful words of wisdom! We as moms do tend to toss those pictures of ourselves, and often we aren’t even in them. Kids learn from us…they do internalize those little comments we make about ourselves.
I looked back through years worth of pictures and realized that there are very few of me. Some years there are none at all. I take the pictures so I wasn’t in them. There are whole time periods of my children’s lives where I am unaccounted for. It wasn’t necessarily because I thought I looked terrible or anything like that, but the lesson is the same nonetheless. Whether we like how we look or not, we need to be in those pictures.
Michelle recently posted…Honored And Inspired
Glad you enjoyed the message. Yes, I agree-we need to be in those pictures!
I hope you are popping into pics, even as an uninvited guest, Michelle. ;-O What do they call that? Photobombing, that’s it!
There’s a running joke in our house that my hubbie was a single dad because I have been the family photographer who was always behind the lens. We have been working on changing that. . .
Twitter: susanrstilwell
says:
What a great post, Kim. And so convicting! My Sarah is 21 and I confess that I complain WAY TOO MUCH about the extra pounds I’ve put on since I injured my foot in January. I’m not sending the right message, on several levels!
Your post reminded me of a verse (can’t think of the ref), “The king is enthralled with your beauty.” How awesome is THAT?
Susan Stilwell recently posted…When suffering doesn’t make sense and people judge us
Love that verse, Susan. I am not familiar with it. Really sets you back on your heels when you think about it!
Glad to be the one poking you in the heart today, in a good way, of course. I have no doubt these extra pounds we’ve all gathered will not impede our joy at Allume!
Twitter: fromtracie
says:
I love this reminder to stop and see the beauty inside, and to model for our daughters (and sons) the healthy body image we would want them to have for themselves.
I will be praying for your nephew.
Tracie recently posted…The Last Day Of Nine
Thank you for your prayers, Tracie. So glad you enjoyed this reminder!
Twitter: TheMommyMess
says:
I love this Kim! The mirror gets me into trouble all the time. What a great reminder to focus on our inner beauty and the inner beauty of others.
Is that your daughter standing behind that cutie pie in the picture? She looks just like you!
Adrienne recently posted…How Do You Deal with Homeschool Criticism?
That darn mirror does get the best of us, doesn’t it, Adrienne?
The pic is from Flickr, but it jumped out at me because it looks so much like my youngest. She especially loved to dress up. We’d haunt yard sales for old prom gowns, gloves, etc for dress up.
It’s so funny when you think about what little girls see in the mirror (like above) as opposed to when we grow up. When we are little, we see a fabulous, sparkly beautiful version of ourselves. Yet when we grow up, it is often exactly the opposite.
Hmmmm. . . more food for thought for you today. Thanks for stopping!
I am so guilty of hiding my face when that camera comes out. And you’re right, I’ve never realized how this would impact my daughter’s future self-worth. Excellent post!
Welcome, Sandra. Always glad to know I have given new friends food for thought! Now go jump in front of that camera with a smile!
Twitter: kissmylist
says:
I try so hard to keep any negative self comments to myself so my daughter doesn’t hear them. Yet I hear her making them, and it breaks my heart that I can’t shelter her from the media and other influences that say beauty is a size 2. But as you said, I just keep telling her how beautiful she is, inside and out, and hope that will combat what she sees and hears all around her.
Dana recently posted…This is why I love you – a birthday message to my son
Those words are heartbreaking to hear from our daughters, aren’t they? It is definitely a life-long process, and your daughter is blessed to have you alongside her.
Twitter: CalmHealthySexy
says:
Why is this so hard? And why are we so hard on ourselves? It’s almost unbelievable – the messages we believe and the agony we put ourselves through.
Most of the August issue of Prevention magazine is about loving yourself and your body at every age. I especially like this quote – “Talking to my friends, I discover that while our outsides are aging, we feel beautiful in a way many of us never have before. The packaging may be getting a little tattered, but we’ve never felt more confident, more sure of who we are. So we patch ourselves up to whatever degree satisfies and move on with our lives.” (Susan Crandell) That’s where I want to be!
Gaye recently posted…4 Thoughts on Overcoming Boredom in the Bedroom
Almost all of an issue. . .wow. That quote is terrific, Gaye! I am printing it out as a reminder, and I am sharing it with someone else who really needs to hear it. Thanks so much!
BEAUTY COMES FROM WITHIN!
These are one of the many Bible Verse that makes me confident about myself 
“And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.”
1 Timothy 2:9 – 10
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” Proverbs 31:30
“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.” 1 Peter 3:4–5
Mai Bateson recently posted…Bacon-Cheese Pull-Aparts
Twitter: apriljharris
says:
Wonderful posts – and so true. I needed to be reminded of this today. Although I love to have my picture taken I can often be very hard on myself when it comes to my size. I constantly encourage other people to love themselves – it’s what I do – but I can be incredibly critical of myself. Thank you for reminding me to practice what I preach and look at myself through kind eyes as well.
April recently posted…My Top Five Air Travel Tips
Hi April!
Isn’t it funny how sometimes we have to be reminded of the very thing we help others with?
I understand that struggle perfectly, especially when I am grouchy or annoyed, and my husband asks me, “What you give one of your readers for advice right now if she were you?”
Glad to be of service!