I don’t know about you, but I am a weary mom today.
Usually when I hear that term I think of bleary-eyed young women adjusting to their new role as a parent.
But moms at any stage can feel tuckered out, worn down, full of worry and just plain overwhelmed.
Moms of younger children are still waiting to grow those extra arms they so badly need.
Mothers of older children are wondering how they went from being the coolest and smartest to most clueless and stupidest.
Matriarchs are questioning how they can still lose sleep over their bambinos, even though they have grown up and begun families of their own.
Personally, I have spent a great deal of time stressing over our impending thousand-mile move to TN, now just over a week away.
Truth be told, I had a melt-down this weekend.
Thank goodness my dear hubbie helped me regain my footing by asking me this:
Honey, what advice would you give one of your readers in this situation?
How I love how wise my husband is, and how often I frown and grit my teeth at his wisdom.
I did have an epiphany, though.
I believe there is a common element to being worn out:
We try to control what is beyond our control.
With our attempts at control comes worry.
With worry comes weariness.
We want our spouses to be loving and supportive dads.
We want our children to be good and responsible people.
We want our lives to go the way we hope and expect them to go.
We have to recognize the only control we have is self-control.
That’s it.
Here is a simple exercise that may help you let go of what you cannot control and help you focus on what you can.
Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center.
Label the left column Things I can control.
Label the right column Things I can’t control
Take a few minutes and list your concerns in either of those columns.
To help you out, I am sharing my list I wrote some time ago.
Here is what I can control:
Here is what I can’t control:
Now take your list of what you can’t control.
Pick one item, and choose instead to devote your energy to something you can control.
Here are some links to help you do that:
On surrendering and letting go
A must have decision making tool
The five why’s: a simple problem solving technique
The truth is that we cannot change others or force them to do or be what we want.
However, we can lead by example by living a life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,humility, and self-control.
Question: What do you want or need to let go of today?
Did you like this and find it useful? I’d be so grateful if you’d share it with your friends so they can be encouraged too. Just click on the share buttons below!
Or, you can tweet by CLICKING HERE: When we try to control, we worry. Worry causes weariness. Time to let go!
Join me: Linking up at Happy Wives Club, Soli Deo Gloria, Weary Mom
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I feel like I should pay you something, Kim, because it’s like you are our very own personal life-coach here in this space! And you are speaking my language when you tell us to make a list to untangle our thoughts and feelings. I LOVE that! And I do have trouble with control, but looking over your list of what you can control reminds me of just how much control I really have! It’s empowering, isn’t it? Thanks for this “powerful” message and exercise, my friend.
BTW, one more wish of “Happy Birthday” to you and I can’t wait to hear about your move as well! Such exciting things that sometimes take the wind out of our sails. Praying that God will renew your strength for this exciting but sometimes tiring journey!
Beth recently posted…Where are You Broken?
Aww, Beth. You refresh me so with your words! Yes, I love lists to clarify. Thanks for the birthday wishes, prayers, and the reminder that exciting things can take the wind out of our sails. Yes indeedy! xo
I’m so glad you linked this up at Wedded Wed, Kim! Allow me to officially welcome you and encourage you to keep coming back whenever you can, my friend! I hope your B-day went well too!
Beth recently posted…‘Emotionally Healthy Woman’ Book Review/Giveaway
Twitter: schronico
says:
I totally agree with Beth. I loved this post. I think this message is universal to women though, with or without kids…we are so hard on ourselves. And there are only so many things we can control…and way too many things we can’t. Great reminder to try to put everything in perspective!
Twitter: TamaraCamPhoto
says:
Your husband is very smart! I am in the weary category of a new mom, trying to get everything done. I see the other categories and I know they will happen for me too. Right now I’m cool to my kids, but I do need those extra arms! Self-control is what we can control. That is such a light bulb to me today, so I thank you.
Tamara recently posted…Compartment Therapy.
Glad to be the switch for your light bulb, Tamara! Your kids are absolutely adorable and I have no doubt you are still the coolest mom ever. I think remembering to slow down and let go in the midst of being a mom can be a challenge. Perhaps we all need sticky notes on our mirrors as a reminder. . .
This is just what I needed to hear today! I feel so tired lately. Thanks for this wisdom!
Reading about your schedule tuckers me out too, Rosanne! Glad to share the wisdom, and I hope you are able to let go of what is beyond your control!
Twitter: susanrstilwell
says:
Love it, Kim. And for what it’s worth, my “can’t control” list is about 10x longer than the “can control” list. Such good advice to concentrate on the things we DO have a modicum of control over. Heaven knows we have enough weariness without inviting it!
Susan Stilwell recently posted…When suffering doesn’t make sense and people judge us
LOL, Susan. My can’t control list is miles long, too. It’s good to have the gentle nudges at home and from our friends as reminders to let go.
This is so very wise:) I often have to remind myself that I really can’t control many things – but when you are a control freak – it’s hard! I find it especially hard as my kids get older and start to make their own choices. I sometimes have to refrain from correcting them, or telling them to do otherwise and I know they need to grow and learn their own self control (just like I do!)
Leah Davidson recently posted…Quote of the Week and Road Trip Time
Oh, Leah, you are describing me when my girls got to be teens. My heart was in the right place, but I was attempting to head off trouble and heartache, and shepherd them where I thought they needed to go. Certainly we guide, but we have to let them learn through experience and challenges.
I highly recommend reading Max Lucado’s Cure for the Common Life. He has a section about kids that is both comforting and convicting. You can read more about it here: http://www.toodarnhappy.com/2012/10/08/ricochet-lessons/
http://www.toodarnhappy.com/2011/11/02/three-steps-to-discovering-and-encouraging-your-childs-strengths-and-talents/
Twitter: flowerlady77
says:
Thanks for this…in tje middle of a worry fest freak out my sweet daughter, exhibiting an extaordinary amount of wisdom says to me, “mom, you should really approach this situation with grace and love.” smart girl….
lani recently posted…10 Things my Allume roommates may (or not) want to know…
Oh, Lani, that is priceless! Isn’t it wonderful to see results from your years of parenting? She is proof of your choice to live by Galatians 5:22-23, sharing the fruit of the spirit! How beautifully she has bloomed!
Twitter: lvfromana
says:
Great post! I don’t think you ever get over the worry about your kids. My eldest at 23 has just left college and I still worry about him now he is applying for jobs. I feel every rejection acutely even though I know there is stiff competition for every job. I need to let go a bit…and just be happy for him when he finds what he is looking for.
Ana recently posted…Will You Be Disappointed By Your Online Date?
Ana, my girls are 25 and 28, and I agree. We just never get over our concerns for them. It is hard when they are rejected, isn’t it?
I find sometimes I want to grab that interviewer by the collar and ask, “Don’t you know what you are missing here? This kid has a boatload of potential and you have let her go!” :-O
There are a couple of books he might find helpful. One is the Max Lucado book I mentioned in an above comment. The other is 48 Days to the Work You Love. It is a thoughtful and fairly simple guide to getting a job that suits you. The author, Dan Miller, takes a unique perspective on job hunting that I think is really helpful and encouraging.
Twitter: lvfromana
says:
I’ll look out for those books. Thanks Kim.
Ana recently posted…How Do You Know If He Loves You?
Twitter: jenfergie2000
says:
I also find I focus on the one negative instead of the 15 positives – which leads me to worry and not be thankful at all for all the good. And your part about self-control. A wee bit convicting, but good.
Jen Ferguson recently posted…What happens when your post gets lost and the Soli Deo Gloria Party
Me too, Jen! My hubby has gently redirected me numerous times to the more positive possibilities. There’s a tough admission for Miss Too Darn Happy! Always so sweet to see you here!
Whoa! THIS WAS AWESOME! First of all, you are so right. Parents never get to raise their arms in victory and race across some finish line like we’re done. It just doesn’t work like that. The challenges just change.
You are so right. We can’t control everything and I think that is behind a lot of my anxiety at times. Obviously I’ll never be able to do that, but my control freak nature gets the better of me. It’s SO much better to devote my energy toward something I actually can control! Love your wisdom!!! Thank you!! –Lisa
What?! There’s no finish line? ;-D
Ugh-anxiety. I am so familiar with that. Especially annoying is that I always thought of myself as pretty easy going. Then I had kids, and got more controlling.
Glad you were encouraged, Lisa!
Twitter: Soulstops
says:
Dear Kim,
Did I miss your birthday? Sorry..Hope it was happy…and thanks for sharing with us your great advice, as always…I will continue to pray for you and your hubby as you move…Praying you know that God goes before you in this move (Deut. 31:8) and He will not fail you or forsake you…I am always having to remind myself of what I can and cannot control…great insight, my friend…hugs to you
Dolly recently posted…On celebrating our marriage
Dear Kim
We are surely not able to change another person” heart, but we ca allow the sweet Holy a spirit to fill our heart of our lord Jesus and only He is able to love others through His light to shine throug our crack!
Luv XX
Mia
Twitter: momsfromscratch
says:
{Melinda} So much wisdom in this post … you are so right, trying to control what is beyond our control is exhausting. I am struggling with that alot and am trying to turn it over to God each and every time it rears its ugly head. I think your exercise might be a useful reminder for me. Thank you! I adore your blog.
Mothering From Scratch recently posted…don’t be so rough! teaching gentleness to children